I had been planning a family trip to Japan since last fall. During a Black Friday promotion, I booked a hotel reservation for June in Kyoto, one of two cities James wanted to visit. Jamie had become a manga fan: he watched Jujitsu Kaisen and Zach liked Pokemon. As usual, my research focused on accessibility planning and pacing layover stays during long distance travel to accommodate Zach.

I managed day by day after Zach’s passing. My attention focused on the tasks that I alone could execute - like arranging to open the family grave for burial. I knew how I wanted to send my baby off and I shared my vision for his viewing, burial and memorial with my family. They added their ideas and energy for support then I handed it all off to preserve the little energy I had left. Everything went beautifully.

After the flurry of activity came silence.

Zachary’s condition had led me to study Ayurveda for one year at the Ayurvedic Institute in Asheville, leading to certification as an Ayurvedic Health Counselor. At a biannual visit, one of his neurologists commented “you’re studying ancient medicine.” Zach passed away in the middle of my spring semester of study towards becoming an Ayurvedic Practitioner at Maharishi International University, leaving me at a crossroads. My primary purpose and drive to continue studying Ayurveda was suddenly gone. What was the point of continuing? I hung suspended, numb.

Then in early May, I announced that Jamie and I were still going to Japan - just the two of us. It was a grief pilgrimage but I didn’t call it that. My 13-page itinerary was entitled “Journey to Healing” and my intention was to take my boys on the trip we had planned with one now traveling in spirit.

13 June 2026

2:46 PM James and I are in the air en route to Salt Lake City for our connection to Seattle. We had lunch at Leah’s in the airport after exiting security. James had a burger and fries, a drink and a cup of gumbo. I had a crab cake served with a fried green tomato and remoulade sauce and a side of red beans and rice with sweet tea. The music was good, Earth Wind & Fire, Rick James and Teena Marie, oldies. A worker from the kitchen and I sang along. The food was slow arriving but worth it. Fortunately we arrived with 90 minutes to spare. The curbside attendant let me go with 5 lbs overweight and I tipped him $10. As he reached for change I saw a $2 bill and said that’s good luck can I have it? He gave it to me and said he appreciated me. I appreciated him too. The TSA Pre line was short, no opening bags to take out electronics, shoes stayed on, no biometric scan. James got his gum and nerd gummy clusters before we boarded. Our bags are a bit heavy and I’m hoping to ship some of my books home before we leave for Tokyo in two days. I began to feel the stress lift on the drive to the airport. And I am consciously releasing old emotional detritus. The temples await us.

James had found Brownie for me. I put his, Zach’s, t-shirt on him and put him in my carryon bag. He and Zachary are with us on the journey. It felt like the $2 bill from the porter at the beginning of our travel was a sign from my mom who collected them. When I visited the cemetery yesterday to ask for support and traveling graces, I invited them all along. Since we arrive late this evening, we will get to the hotel and settled for a good night’s rest and start fresh in the morning.

9:45PM We have had a full day of travel. Ordered more food than we could eat for dinner so tomorrow it’s leftovers.

14 June 2026

Reflecting on rest and calming vata with hydration, grounding and keeping warm.

15 June 2026

What do I need? Made it to the airport after packing and doing morning routine. James and I had breakfast and we are here. Everything has proceeded smoothly and I anticipate that it will go well. I could use a nap once we are situated on board. I could lighten the weight of my suitcase by taking out Dr. Lad’s book. I could get something to nibble on or drink before boarding. And I could walk a bit to stretch my legs.

We arrived in Tokyo on June 16th, a day later than our departure. We laughed a lot on the 10 hour flight and while I was a bit more relaxed, I was mindful of the next steps once we landed - baggage claim, passports and QR code for immigration, taxi to our hotel. I had lightened our load by leaving one bag of clothing in storage in Seattle. We would have clean clothes waiting for the last four days of our trip.

17 June 2026

We have been awake since about 1 am. The sun rises here at 4:30 AM. There is a clock on a building right outside our window at Caption Hyatt. It is perhaps no mistake as I navigate the discordant notes in my melody of time: travel across time zones; travel while time remains; living fully before time runs out; taking time to heal. There is also a crib in the room as if I were traveling with my baby Zach the way we did with him and with James years ago. Perhaps that is also no mistake and he is here with us, the pathway for his arrival having been laid in advance.

Travel has gone smoothly overall. The biggest misstep was ordering too much at dinner the first night in Seattle. We didn’t need the $30 roast chicken and it ended up in the trash. We are making up for it now. Overall I feel good about the level of detail in our travel plans. Another misstep was needing two QR codes for immigration instead of one but I was able to fill out a paper form for James and our passage was cleared. The food on the flight was good and we’ve selected our food for the return already. I would like to do my videos for class against some the colorful backdrops here at the hotel. Early mornings may work because there’s no one around in the lobby like this morning while James and I were downstairs.

I would like at least one commemorative mug from this hotel. I like the pajamas but don’t want to spend that much on them. Our room at Caption Hyatt Kabutocho is inspiring me to create a room for James on Jourdan, something clean, modern and comfortable. A functioning space for study and rest. I am remembering why I am here and I am reminded of my introduction to reiki and how it has been a part of my life for over 25 years.

We were tired yesterday, after traveling. We managed many moving pieces getting to Seattle then to Tokyo and the hotel. A couple of things have fallen through the cracks: James left his book that he was reading behind on the plane and my Ayurveda textbook is missing. He was busy talking on the phone to his friends and I’m not certain whether or not I packed it with everything this morning as I tried to get the bags down in time for transport so they will arrive at the hotel tomorrow afternoon. I give myself grace for all that I have moved through to get us to Japan. I am thankful.

While I enjoyed my cup of ramen early this morning, and my cup of tea, I don’t want to eat more convenience store food because it’s cold and dry. I haven’t seen any fresh markets around here. It is so important that I am kind to myself and loving. Yes I’m frustrated about losing two books, but I have successfully navigated many challenges getting here. I need ot relax my pitta brain a bit and just pay attention to what is. In fact, it’s a good time to meditate! I return to my practice of gratitude. I brought my book to study. What is the lesson in losing it? Be in the moment. Take yourself less seriously. Enjoy your time with James and receive each other’s presence.

James and I took the subway to Shibuya and meandered through the streets until we found the store we had been looking for with various manga characters. We walked around for about 20 minutes before finding it down an alley street on the second floor of a building with a first floor vape shop. James spent almost all of his next five days allowance on the two characters that he selected. He will have money again on our last day in Kyoto. We have been lucky thus far to have been spared the rain that was forecast. We did a good job finding a shop that he was interested in. And I am happy that he got some souvenirs. I also would like to take him to see traditional shrines in Kyoto.

What I am experiencing as sadness may well be jet lag.

18 June 2026

James and I travel to Kyoto this morning. The rain in Tokyo held up until it was time for us to leave. I have enjoyed our stay at this hotel. I also discovered that the hotel is a 13 minute walk from the train station. When we exited the subway station yesterday we turned in the wrong direction, towards the train station. I would like to leave the hotel close to 9 and walk there.

We navigated together today. James trusted me to find the way forward. We walked in the rain from the hotel to Tokyo Station.

Of course I brought my phone, iPad, laptop, charger cords, external hard drive, Noyna’s draft manuscript, textbooks, day planner, journal and light reading in my backpack and carryon. My life is textured, complex and of my own creation. I planned well and have no complaints. James proved to be a good traveling companion, between video games and video chats with friends at home. To fill the vacuum Zach left in his life, he had redirected his excess energy and attention to self-expression through his art and spending time with friends. I let him wear the same black t-shirt, sweats and hoodie for several days because it made him happy. Seeing him happy made me happy.

20 June 2026

Today will be a day of study. I am reminded that journeys lead to internal destinations.

21 June 2026

Happy Birthday Danielle!

I was first to wish my daughter happy birthday shortly after midnight in Kyoto. It’s a day early for her in Pottstown but she was happy to receive my greeting. I spoke with both my daughters on three-way. They have watched our travel adventures over the last week from New Orleans to Seattle, then Tokyo to Kyoto. The rain has slowed me down. We stayed in yesterday and I continued to catch up on homework.

I received all the blessings coming my way and expressed gratitude for every day. There is no tipping in Japan. Instead of money, I gifted thank you notes and carnival beads from home to the staff at each hotel. They were pleasantly surprised. Today I begin our process of returning home. I am packing our bags for transport to Tokyo, dropping them off at the desk then heading out to Arashiyama bamboo forest with James. There are a few things that he wants to do today, like get noodles from a convenience store and a few snacks with his Suica card. I look forward to exploring Kyoto Station before our Shinkansen ride to Tokyo.

We traveled from Kyoto back to Tokyo on June 22nd. In the end, James wanted to stay at the hotel instead of going to the bamboo grove. I went outside to take photos at sunrise. The blue tinged light was gentle, calming. The city had provided me with the deep rest that I needed and greater clarity about my path forward. During our stay, James committed to creating his own manga series and I launched both an Ayurvedic and integrative healing consultancy and an independent press in Zach’s honor. I knew that I would finish this semester’s coursework. We hadn’t been able to see Mt. Fuji from the train en route to Kyoto due to rain and cloud cover. But we were able to get a clear view of the mountain in the distance on our return to Tokyo. The return travel via Shinkansen was effortless, better planning and a shorter wait for our train while capturing photos of other trains upon arrival. We returned to the frantic pace of Tokyo and prepared to return to the US. I have homework to complete in time for the end of the semester in less than a week.

Passing through Eno with Mt. Fuji in the distance.

23 June 2026

I didn’t sleep well last night. It could have been the late dinner at 6PM, the heaviness of the food, travel by train or my overall dissatisfaction with the quality of the food.

The staff at InterContinental Strings was very kind and accommodating upon check in. Once again, there were age appropriate gifts for Zachary presented upon arrival and also in our hotel room: treats and teddy bear, slippers, toothbrush, and bath sponge. Our bags had been placed in the room before our arrival. The service was excellent overall; the room amenities were nice - free minibar! Shower water pressure was ok and the hot water knob for the tub that didn’t work was taken care of while we were having dinner. As we had done in Kyoto, we purchased stamps at the desk so James’ letters would go out with Japanese postmarks.

I spent the last of my Suica yen at Dean and Delucca for breakfast. We will use James’ card to purchase our lunch before leaving for the airport. He is enjoying the ham, lettuce, tomato and avocado sandwich; I had the croissant and we will split the lemon poppyseed muffin. I think it was better than spending 7700 yen for the two of us for breakfast at the hotel, he is happy with my selections plus he wanted to eat breakfast in the room. It’s all good.

I choose to focus on the stellar service and reception we received upon arrival, the efficiency of my bags being placed in our room prior, the beautiful city views, wonderful time with my son and the memory of us wearing white his and hers nightshirts. Zach would have enjoyed the white sheets and comforters and the night shirts. I am thankful that he is free of physical limitation and of the heartache and sorrow of an uncertain future.

The travel came together and I am happy watching my son play video games in the hotel room against a backdrop of the city. We have had a great adventure. I return to Seattle to finish work and move forward with our lives. It has been wonderful all around.

24 June 2026

6:16 PM Grand Hyatt Seattle

I had a rough night’s sleep last night with uncomfortable, unsettling dreams. We had done well initially with early arrival from Tokyo, ease through baggage claims and customs, smooth ride from the airport to the hotel to discover our room ready and waiting. I showered, ironed clothes and we went out to lunch at Dough Zone up the block. We stayed in the rest of the evening and once I got James off his electronic devices, he crashed. We both slept in the darkness and stayed in bed until 8AM. Club level breakfast was the same but unfortunately evening hors d’oeuvres have been discontinued since last September. I managed to get James out for a walk to Pike Place using his gps to navigate our way back to the hotel. I had had a microwave delivered to the room so we could heat yesterday’s leftover Chinese food. I ate mine but he hasn’t eaten his. Tonight we are having food from the hotel, burgers, fries, spring rolls and my one cocktail charged to the room. I hope to pack our bags for the last time tonight in preparation for a long travel day tomorrow. I have a bit of logistics fatigue but we will be home soon. I am thankful that we had enough points to pay for checking our three bags. That will make our travel day more easeful.

I have been emotional the last couple of days too. Taking care of Zachary was hard. Losing Zachary was hard. And my thoughts now turn to what I am returning to, at home. My daily Ayurvedic practice and meditations have supported me every step of the way. I still face challenges: homework assignments to complete, a home to renovate, a manuscript to edit, bills to pay. And I will get it all done. I enjoyed the walk in the sunshine, my fresh apple juice and looking into a Japanese pottery gallery. It’s been a good day.

We will be tired when we arrive in Houston but everything will be ok. Before you know it we will be back in New Orleans and in the meantime, I intend to continue enjoying every single moment of time with my son and the people who cross our path. What blessings: to receive a free bible; to help a young man raise money for his soccer team; to give my son the Chinese food he wanted for lunch/dinner yesterday and to see him having fun drinking sodas from the Club. What a blessing to have him purchase souvenirs for himself and friends in Japan. What a blessing to have nice taxi drivers take good care of us and to have the resources to make it every step of the way. What fun we had watching the Michael Jackson movie together in our hotel room. All the photos are blessings; all of the memories and the hotel staff we have encountered in each city. Best of all Jamie knows that he likes in Japan: convenience stores!

25 June 2026

5:51 PM somewhere perhaps in Seattle?

My dreams last night were more pleasant, or at least less disruptive. I have lost track of the days of the week and awaken confused about when and where I am. Intentionally and unintentionally, we have left things behind along the way. Two of our books were left in the airport in Tokyo the day we arrived. I thanked and released clothing items that had been symbolic of austerity over my time praying and caring for Zach. James lost his glasses somewhere in Tokyo and I gifted several pairs of carnival beads and postcards. Overall, we have done well holding on to our things across five flights, so far, two train rides, and five hotel stays. Tonight we begin our last hotel stay before arriving home on 6/27.

We arrived late tonight in Houston and our bags didn’t make the flight. My daily routine has been disrupted since I lost my nasya bottle in Seattle and my sesame oil is packed in my luggage. I am getting sick. I ordered Dominos pizza, allergy meds and bottled water for us just before midnight. It has been a long day and we will be eating late. I need to spend much of the day tomorrow, at least half of it, doing homework.

26 June 2026

The bags arrived at about noon today. I washed two weeks’ of laundry. The staff is nice; decent food is offered including a happy hour menu; there’s a rooftop pool and patio with fire pits on the 7th floor; free laundry. The bar is set up for work stations with hooks for hanging bags and charging outlets. World Cup watchers declared that I am Cape Verdian for the day.

27 June 2026

We are going home tonight!

I will check out by 11 AM and store bags until evening then we will visit the Menil Collection and have lunch.

At the end of our pilgrimage, facing the return home I acknowledge that two seemingly contradictory facts can simultaneously be true. Zachary died and the Ayurvedic treatments were working. Zach had a reduced number of respiratory infections and improved respiratory function and sufficiency. His quality of life was improved by Ayurvedic intervention. Our family has daily preventative practices informed by my studies and I experienced the results of disruption of my practices when I lost my nasya in Seattle, my bags were delayed arriving in Houston and I became ill at the end of our trip. The lectures I watched and the exercises that I submitted to complete my course reminded me that the community I serve still needs me to practice Ayurveda in service to their health, well being and highest quality of life. I will continue my studies in the fall.

This journey marked my transition from pushing through in desperation and giving beyond resource depletion to allowing events to run their course without resistance and receiving love and support. Not all relationships are mine to hold near; not all battles are mine to wage alone.

Travel Journal: Journey to Japan